Stinky’s Hat – By: D.e.e.L – Story #8 In the Hank Saga!
A story about true friendshipish and I think there’s a rubber band in this story somewhere also…or maybe not…I mean there could be…but…I don’t remember…
Stinky’s Hat – By: D.e.e.L Copyright 2012
“Hey there Cutie McDanny!”
“Oh…umm…yea…hi. Sooo…umm…new hat?”
“This old thing? No way! I’ve had it for weeks!”
“No, for weeks…”
“So a month?”
“No…only for a few weeks.”
“Four…a few…alright so like six months?”
“Fantastic! So can I see what’s under it?”
“Under my hat? You know I’m never seen without a hat on.”
“Yea…so maaaaay I see?”
“Pshh, I already know what’s under it anyways…”
“How? Nobody knows!! Tell me what you know!”
“Well…There was this one time when I was within this moment and I saw something during the seconds of the moment that were happening this one time when I saw you take your hat off for a second to brush your hair. I noticed you combing your flowing locks of hair with the Golden Comb of Aruhotenoforthis when I noticed something else within this moment of noticing several different things at once, which lead me to climb on top of the rack in which we keep the various assortments of trays on and use it as a leaping point. I leapt off the rack and bumped my head into the ceiling and fell crashing into your gorgeous locks. I awoke many moments later and saw myself in a world of…”
“Is this story going to take much longer? I’m attending a class with some of the other employees to learn how to spell the word “Ladle”. I’ve heard it has two D’s, but I think that is just a rumor.”
“Well…it takes me about twenty to thirty minutes to write a story like this, so if you’re standing here as I’m writing it then it will most likely take that long for you to sit here and listen, because that is how long it is lasting within this time I am creating, but if I write it down and you read it later, then it should take less than 5 minutes to finish reading, unless you spend some of that time trying to figure out what this says Rutriantwonottopabovethefloortoholdacountertopwhatiamtriantwosayquestionmikebecausemarkisonvacation.”
“Uhh…I don’t know twelve.”
“Post-dicament. Now sit down and listen!!!!!!”
“Okay, I’m sorry.”
“Do you need to use the bathroom before I start again?”
“Well…I did…but then you yelled…and…suddenly I’m fine!”
“Alright good. I’ll grab the ‘Floor slippery when wet” sign and get started.”
“…no more orange juice for me.”
“Sooooo, there I was in the middle of the top of your head within all of your hair! I looked to the right, but there was nothing there, so I looked to the left, and there was all sorts of fun stuff!
The first place I walked into was the “Lice City-Gifts and Deodorants” where I bought some gifts and several different tasting deodorants. As I was eating some “Mountain-top Scent” a mildy attractive woman came walking over to me. She asked me where a nice place to grab a coffee with me would be and I laughed in her face and said “Hahahaha”, so she left. As she walked away I noticed something with the corner of my eye, because I was feeling quite lazy and didn’t feel like using my entire eye to look in her direction. She walked away and something fell from her and onto the floor of which is actually your scalp that of which is upon your head that holds within some sort of brain of which you use to think words out loud so that people can hear you. I picked up the rubber-band and placed it around my wrist and torso. I then walked around going up to everyone and saying “Hey look at me! Hey look at me!”, to which they responded “Okay”. Once my one man show was over I began to do more exploring upon your scalp.
The doors swung open and I looked around “Stinky’s Smelly Olde Bar of Soap” and saw a bunch of lice people and a few others that were trapped in your hair as well. I sat a few seats away from Mc Frisbee Rockstar so that I wouldn’t smell the sweat from his sweat-glands. I ordered a the “Hairy Sundae Surprise” with extra sprinkles. The barofsoaptender said back to me “Sprinkles? You mean Jimmies?”. I smacked him and ate the hairy sundae, then righted out the door.
The smell of unwashed scalp was beginning to almost become so much for me possibly, so I put the gas-mask on that I had in my hand the hole time. As I was falling down the time hole I noticed various things also falling down as well during the same time that I was falling. There was a toaster, an envelope, Gina, and Hank!
We all landed on your brain, untouched by time because of the time hole. There were dino-lice and past Presidents walking around without wearing sunglasses, but they didn’t need them because your brain wasn’t very bright. I looked around in a circle. Hank did the same. Gina was trying to pull the four pieces of toast from the toaster.
“Well…I’ll just grab this envelope…”
“You mean…grab that envelope?”
“Well yea…this one right here…”
“That one right there?!”
His mind became boggled and he resorted to somewhere. Once back from his trip to Pickle-Island we stood across from each other in the middle of….a Dicament.
“I’m taking this envelope!”
“Yea, this one right here.”
Suddenly the envelope began to speak! The voice form the envelope shouted out how much fun it was inside and wished to never be released, ever. So, Hank and I agreed to disagree about what we agreed upon.
“Uhhh…Gina…we need that toaster…no…no Gina that burnt piece is not Nina. No…no she’s not okay, she’s trapped in a toaster. I know, I know you miss her. Yes, yes she will appear in another story and you will get to decide her fate.” (Grandma Nina-Coming Soon)
“With the envelope in one hand and the toaster on the floor I looked up to the sky before dropping the envelope on your brain and walking away…to punch Hank in his stupid face! Babow!! Hank got mad and whipped the remaining half of his tail kind of towards me, but not really. I laughed and said “Hahahaha, your tail! Hahaha”, which made him turn orange and put on a v-neck and sunglasses even though it wasn’t very bright at all.”
“Alright Hank, I see how it is…it’s going to be an old fashion Shore-off.”
“Dress to impress…”
“I put on a pair of two-hundred dollar sunglasses and untied my left shoe. Hank put a shirt over his shirt with the intention of wearing another one on top of those two. I put gel in my hair and buzzed my name into the side of my head. Hank jumped behind some turn tables and pretended he was a DJ. I used my abs to wash my shirt. Hank drank a beer, took a shot, and ate a pickle. I walked up to all the lice looking girls and asked to smush them. The Shore-off was getting intense, so we agreed to one final test. Filling in the bubble sheet was a trying task as I was answering questions while filling in the bubble sheet and talking to my foot about why I haven’t scrubbed it in years. Hank was using the answer sheet he stole from Nina. Once the test was finished it was done being taken. The parrot reviewed both tests and said a whole bunch of words out loud! The parrot could talk! I won the test with an A+ and Hank regretted using Nina’s answers. With his sunglasses on he couldn’t see where he was going and walked into a wall to vanish.”
With the rubber band in one hand
And a print out of how to spell the word “Ladle”
I said the magic words and fell out of your gorgeous locks
“APPLES AND ORANGES!!!”
By Dan Leicht (D.e.e.L) March, 27, 2015
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